03142012 insomnia and frustration

well it's 3:15 am, i can't sleep. i tried to log on to the free chat, but it says "authentication failed". don't know if it's a sign i've been booted, or if an app is failing on me. doesn't really matter right now anyway except that when sleep is lacking i'd like to see if i can talk to someone, but oh well maybe later.

yesterday seemed like a day i couldn't do enough. i woke up at mid day jogged until 1 in the afternoon, helped my mother's husband take more items to the dump taking 3 trips back and forth (not far away, but still time consuming), and came back to the house, where it seemed the chatroom was somewhat dead, or just dead for me since i felt invisible. such things lead me to believe i'm still doing something wrong, and must adapt. to be more precise i have learned that the women here and perhaps everywhere i've been to so far are one-dimensional and do not want someone who is too talkitive and honest, because then he seems desperate revealing his life to strangers. i've come to accept that is fine and truth can only be given out in small doses, and those who have suceeded in wooing women have predefined and established methods of getting what they want. perhaps it is time to explore vanity and give illusions and bullshit another chance because it obviously works for others, but i don't want to. i want a woman i don't have to do that with. if i can find another way to meet i would, but i'm losing ideas and options fast...